Imagine that today is November 26th. Some days it seems like such a short time ago that I said good-bye to family and friends and boarded a plane to embark on the adventure of my life! However, I must admit that most days, home is a distant memory. So much has changed in these past months. I have been through so many refining moments. So many life altering lessons-it’s been quite a process. It seems things like that have a way of making or breaking who you are. Some days, I feel like I am breaking, but then, there are those days when I step aside and let God step in. I wish I could say that was every day. Why can’t it be? But then, broken is part of the process, too, isn’t it?
The past few days, I have felt very broken. It seemed like a deep sadness had set in. I tried not to think about it, but it finally caught up with me. So, today, I took a long walk with Sundi and tried to sort it out. It’s loneliness. (I am assuming now that Michelle has left, those reading my blog are my dearest friends, so it goes without saying how much I do not relish time alone.) I’ve been thinking a lot about that. Here in Kenya, I have learned true emptiness. Not a bad emptiness, but where everything familiar and comforting is gone and you are left with just you, God, and Satan in a battle that without the noise and distractions of daily life, you really see and feel. I have learned that the battle, at least for me, is for my mind. I think the heart and the mind are so closely connected that it almost goes without saying that if one controls the mind, the heart is already committed. I now understand more fully the importance of taking every thought captive… so that the mind of Christ is in me. I think in every day life, especially in a place so controlled by lists and schedules as America is, it is easy to distract oneself from the thoughts in ones head, but is that really what Christ means by taking every thought captive? I am inclined to think not. For me, in this place in my life, it means filtering every thought through truth. Wow, Satan tells some very believable lies-even sometimes he tells the truth in a way that is not beneficial.
So, that is me today, learning things I would never have slowed down to learn had I not come here…thankful for the process…hoping I never forget the lessons learned.
3 comments:
Just read your entry for today,12/26. I feel your lonliness and wish I could make it go away. I imagine it's something like when someone visits the orphanage and leaves again --the loss just repeats itself.I feel badly for the children- worse for you because I love you so much!! I'd like to deliver this in person but an internet hug will have to do for now.You are in our prayers each time you come to mind and that's a lot.We are so blessed to have you in our family!!!!!!!!! Love, Dad
I'll have to second what your dad-in-law said. I pray for you and your family anytime you come to mind. You are missed here by me and lots of other people. I'm sure if you had to make the decision to relive this experience you might not. But I bet you will not regret it at all for going there. You have two beautiful kids that you will bring home soon...very soon. God is strengthening you in so many ways, it is sweet to see (or to read). I don't want to encourage you not to feel what you are going through by saying it'll get better. God has you right where he wants you and sees you right now and is there for you. He understands you and your situation. I'm so glad you got to see Michelle. It looks like you had lots of fun! Talk to you soon! With love, Alyssa
I love you and miss you so much! I can't imagine what life is like for you all alone with out your closest loved ones, but you're a strong woman Kim and one I look up to and admire very much! I pray for you and your family often. Just wanted to tell you I love you!
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